His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
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that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
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He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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