That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"