Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Green mimosas i think yes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Holy sore nipples Batman
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.