Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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