My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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