Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
