He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
