I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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