Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
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He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
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I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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