Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
