Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
