booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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