Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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