we have officially lost it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
