my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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