I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
