i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
