3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
