Kiss
Puke
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
