gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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