Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
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I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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