I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
