i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
