gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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