Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
