went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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