24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
