afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
