Can i not drive my cunt home
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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