If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Too much gin, very little bucket
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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