How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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