Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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