She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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