Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
