ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
there is glitter all over my balls
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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