Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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