Whod you bang
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
