I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
