If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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