what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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