Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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