Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize