also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
