Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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