You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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