Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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