Is it because I queefed?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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