she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
