Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You pole danced in your parka.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
