batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
