I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
