For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
