On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
