Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Bring me that man meat
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
