Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
