OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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