Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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