508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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