Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
