The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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