im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
