Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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