This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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