she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
