I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
