Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize
