the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
