it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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