dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
